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"Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy." -- Lazarus Long

115--The Caribbean: Sugar, Sugar @ CherieSpotting     Feb 01 2003 - 11:10 PST cherie writes: The Caribbean is a colorful place. In fact, most of the drink flavors would be more accurately described by a color. Sodas here don’t come in strawberry, pineapple and grape; they come in red, yellow and blue. The streets here are incredibly clean, but they reek with urine. Men and children have no problem peeing on the public streets. In fact, boys swing their organs around with pride, not unlike a lasso. There are lots of “Joses” using their hose As to water the sidewalks. I don’t blame them. Often I’d rather squat in the gutter than to use some of the restrooms here. The word “disgusting” is too mild of a word to describe what you encounter when you have to tinkle. Our guidebook suggests that you bring your own toilet paper wherever you go. Greg and I suggest you bring your own toilet seat. People-watching is (by far) my favorite Caribbean activity. I could spend all day sitting under the shady trees watching the shady people. You can watch groups of grown men release their angst by violently banging around chess or domino pieces. Ladies saunter their wide hips through the park screaming at the top of their lungs until someone buys a candy from them. Guards and other workers bring their Coke cans to the local pub and secretly fill them with frothy beer. Then three people pass by, happily riding one bike together through the town’s cobbled streets. Little girls practice their ballet in the park. Old men sit on park benches, smoking their fatties, applauding the tots’ dance performances. Old ladies, in their curlers, sweep the dust from the park as if it were their own porch. And men sit in their doorways, not too proud to cuddle a baby-doll in public. If I get bored with people watching, I usually take a quick jaunt down to the local restaurant. (I don’t dare eat at the establishment; I just go to read the ridiculous English menu translations.) This was actually printed in one of Las Tunas’ finest restaurants: “The chicken is all boneless and naked, don’t you think wrong, it refers to being put out of skin with the good intention of protecting you from cholesterol.” The same menu also gave a description of the rice: “White rice boiled with water and oil, openly different from those eaten in Asian films.” Entertainment is everywhere! News Flash: now the Caribbean has three people to entertain. Mike and Tom have returned to civilization and Kristi has joined us! She walked off the plane to greet us wearing the famous “Scirocco” shirt. Surprisingly, Tom and Mike’s departure flight coincided within minutes of Kristi’s arrival. Tom, Mike and Kristi (who had never met before) ran into each other at the airport. Tom gave Kristi the “Scirocco” crew shirt and she surprised us by walking off the plane darned in her crew shirt! It’s great to have Kristi here, even though she’s already had a “run in” with the law. Kristi and I were innocently sitting in a park and Kristi comfortably had her foot on the cement bench (not the bottom of her foot, just the side of her foot.) A police man came by and violently poked Kristi and made her put both feet on the ground. You can dress Kristi up, but you can’t take her anywhere! Kristi, Greg and I decided to “lay low” for a while and take a trip to a neighboring town called “Moron.” This dismal place could easily be the origin of the word “moron.” Kristi suspected the town would be full of morons and SURPRISE, it was! But, taking a picture by the “Moron” sign was worth the ride out there. As a bonus I got to ride a giant cock! Moron’s town pride is a humungous bronze rooster sculpture and I eagerly climbed up on. Just outside of Moron is a Dutch village. Actually it is not a Dutch village; it is a bunch of shacks posing as Dutch cottages. The Dutch red-tiled roofs are substituted by corrugated tin crimson-stained. The Dutch manicured gardens are actually groups of snarled cactus bunched into hedges. Wooden shoes are replaced by flip flops and the “Dutch” occupants (not from the Netherlands) had a nice Caribbean tan. Click on each picture to see it full size. read comments (2) | write comment| views: 6087    | rated: 0.0    printer-friendly version   Look who landed! Kristi has arrived! Greg and Kristi tearing a house down! (They are always getting into trouble!) Cherie and Kristi with the red earth, green sugar cane and blue sky. Cherie and Kristi finally find a town where they fit in. Greg and Cherie being morons in the most appropriate place. Cherie riding the giant cock of Moron. Cherie and Kristi...masters of disguise. Pigs make perfect pets. A "Dutch" house enveloped by cacti shrubs. It may look like a quaint "Dutch" village, but those roofs are just painted tin! Am I in Holland? Kristi said: "This really looks like the road to nowhere." The leash through the nose? Is it really the best idea? Now you know why you´ve never seen a Caribbean circus. Kristi poses with a Mohito. The trick to making a good Mohito, is really getting into it. A resort on Cayo Coco. Kristi and Cherie, old friends in a new country. A dock to nowhere. A deserted beach. Nothingness is sometimes beautiful. A little cooped up. Nothing like watching the local crocodiles get fed! This guy almost looks fake! Here´s a croc that needs a bath! Where´s that guy with a fish-on-a-stick? I gave the little guy a kiss. (He wasn´t allowed to give me one back.) Cherie and Kristi cuddle the croc. Just waiting on the side of the road for his next meal. These birds are being fed by a bottle of rum. Aren´t they too young to drink? Numerous billboards remind people that Che´ is always present. Is nose piercing is back in style? A long face, a long day and a long walk home. The Happy Haircut. (He´s smiling because he left with both his ears.) They have room for one more! Kristi and Cherie make friends with the muscle men at a local gym. Proud of those muscles. The correct way to peel an orange. A work in progress. I´m not so sure this scaffolding passed inspection. A cold look in hot pants. It´s true. The dogs here wear clothes. Sometimes it seems like there is no place to hide. This guy must be from Moron. A romantic stroll through town. Two thumbs up! This guy´s lettuce passes the "Kristi test." A baby´s first steps. Sisters in a doorway. The famous clay pots of Camaguey are large enough to hide in. This lady has an interesting marketing technique. She walks up and down the street screaming until someone buys a sweet from her basket. These "macho men" are not afraid to cuddle this baby doll in public.